Sunday, January 01, 2012

2011 - The Year in Facebook

10 hours into 2011 nora masters the word, "no." ~ had a system breakdown whereby the "sell by jan 11" milk was consumed before the "sell by jan 4" milk was opened. god help us all... ~ went a little spanish inquisition on her kids during prayers tonight. ~ For the record, the mike & ikes just made my mouth sore; it was the carrot that gauged my gums. There's a moral there, kids. ~ my boss has suggested that my experimental approach to nora's recent serial hive outbreak might be not be the best plan of action. apparently, i'm in fact not that kind of doctor. ~ just received her very first phone call from school regarding her child's behavior -- apparently owen has turned to the dark side. ~ owen had his first ever happy meal this evening at the behest of andrew "artisan, free-range" stivers. it's always the foodies, isn't it... ~ my son keeps letting tinkerbell die. ~ i dearly love my children, but i miss staying out 'till 2. ~ i'm more of a tony the tiger kind of mom. ~ early dismissals are much more complicated once you have kids. ~ Owen woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Afterwards, he couldn't reach the sink to dry his hands, so he decided to wait until someone came to help. Allen found him asleep on the bathroom floor at 3:15 am. We might have over-stressed the hygiene thing. ~ Day 3 of owen literally having cabin fever. ~ 4 adults holding him down at the snowmass clinic couldn't get Tylenol on owen. We're now going the suppository route. ~ seriously, it's february. how am i already closed out of camps? ~ If your children are watching johnny cash clips, does that make it ok that they're watching him on Lawrence welk? ~ i wasn't particularly impressed by owen's new haircut. his response? "it was the best they could do." ~ nora watched the glee cover of justin beiber's, "baby" and then promptly puked on me. ~ fyi, according to owen, the sauropod of the day is saltosaurus. ~ wow, 18 months of nora. that went fast. ~ such a conundrum: it was owen's allosaurus's idea to be bad, but as its brain is only the size of a walnut, can it be blamed for poor choices? ~ my son just prayed to the father, son and holy spit. ~ is babysitting an allosaurus, a brachiosaurus and a triceratops today. ~ owen overheard glee last night and announced that he's a fan of "afternoon delight." so many things wrong w/ that sentence... ~ march 12, 2011: the day we finally introduced owen to star wars. ~ apparently we have a self-cleaning oven. information i could have used two hours ago. ~ dear oil of olay: making me break out is not the same as giving me younger looking skin. ~ we received an ad for capitol hill cemetery plots today -- "term limit: eternity." ~ nora has started referring to owen as "oh-no" and to herself as "no-no." ~ apparently it's "squirrel week" here in dc... maybe they should just shut us down. ~ so it's official: despite all my parent's reassurances to the contrary, i am in fact not "essential". ~ so we forgot a key piece to one of our kites and a blanket to sit on, and there wasn't any actual wind, but otherwise the kite festival was perfect. ~ My daughter is wearing a beer cozy as a bracelet this morning. awesome. ~ we sold the double stroller. i guess we're officially done. :( ~ i get that, having attended charlie sheen's "violent torpedo of truth" show last night, you have some issues you need to talk through w/ someone. i just don't think i'm the ideal candidate. ~ tip of the hat to single parents -- if i had to do this everyday i would be cowering in a corner sniffing glue. ~ based on today's behavior, nora is on team edward. ~ The deputy assistant secretary of defense got me a refill after I spilled wine all over myself. Clearly the country is secure and in capable hands. ~ We explained the designated hitter rule to owen at dinner. He cried. Stupid American league. ~ owen woke up at 6:15 this morning. stupid sun. ~ Owen is sleeping under his bed tonight, and apparently we're ok with this. ~ should it be at all concerning when your son's pre-K teacher spells "thanks," "thanx?" ~ My children celebrated their grandmother's retirement by running around barefoot ( as sanctioned by their father) thru the hallowed marbled halls of the national archives. Meanwhile, I turned to champagne to ease my mortification. ~ was woken by her son at 6:15 am to play catch and was too tired to not oblige him. ~ off to owen's first t-ball game. i apparently volunteered allen to coach. should make for an interesting blog post... ~ Turns out there's a reason I'm not usually in charge of getting owen's hair cut... ~ nora has decided it's "fun w/ feminine hygiene products" day. ~ how binding is the expiration date on a jello pudding cup? ~ it's seersucker thursday here in washington, dc -- which means we're cool only in the literal sense. ~ labor unrest at the department of labor: how meta. ~ email subject line from the moms on the hill listserve: "FREE random nipples." ~ saw two squirrels copulating across from the capitol on my walk in this morning. i'm pretty sure there's a metaphor there. ~ Raiding the parking meter stash to buy 2 hotdogs and an order of fries: $7.15 in change. Avoiding 2 meltdowns on the 15 minute drive back to Iowa City: priceless. ~ allen is camping with a very insistent owen in the tipi at the pond tonight despite the 100 degree heat index while nora and i are back at grandma & grandpa z's. sometimes, gender roles are our friends. ~ Owen just asked for a shoeshine kit, for his flip-flops. ~ katherine fawcett is a big old cheater and I am a bitter, drunk Chinese checker player. ~ I have decided to start fining the kids if they get up too early on the weekends. Surely market forces will be welfare improving. ~ Nora has joined "naked force" making me the sole, "force of the cloth" member of the Fawcett household. ~ nora's two today although she's telling people she's three and indicating via fingers that she's five. apparently she's laying the groundwork early for underage drinking. ~ My daughter is wearing a neck gator as a skirt. ~ nora's daycare teachers were really impressed when she counted to five in spanish. apparently her excessive dora watching is paying off. ~ owen shouted "what the heck?" and "dang it" twice this evening. i'm trying to figure out an appropriate response since these clearly aren't expletives, but seem like gateway words which will lead him down the slippery slope to profanity, hooliganism and ultimately, ruin. ~ owen and nora collectively lost $2,000 in their college accounts last month. for those at the justice department, that's roughly 125 muffins. ~ note to self: when trying to determine whether the kids have religious ed homework or not, their father is not a trustworthy source. ~ Owen just informed me that I turned out to be a better mom than he thought I would. I'm not sure when he made his initial assessment, but it's nice to be revised upward. ~ i would like to take this opportunity to thank the fertility gods for not blessing me with triplet boys. ~ fortunately, Brandon Gentry and Jeff Young left before the justin beiber singing portion of the evening routine began. ~ An hour and fifteen minutes into the PTA meeting with no end in sight. ~ nora got bit again. why must my children be so delicious? ~ i rode the elevator with a thirty-something man in a denim jacket with a large "Hogwarts" insignia on its back. apparently he, like so many before him, has confused DOL with the magic kingdom. ~ according to owen's homework his favorite word is "trust" -- because it helps [his] family know that [he] made a lowercase "r." ~ nora woke up at 3 am crying and shouting, "hand, hand." contrary to our initial concern, she was not hurt; she just wanted her handbag. ~ so my father-in-law just dropped off 10 lbs of candy for the "treats for troops" donation at daycare that ended on thursday. oh, and one of the 5 lb bags is open. this isn't going to end well... ~ i was singing beyonce's, "(girls) who run the world" to nora who responded, "boys." i am now going to cry. ~ nora is on a nap strike. i'm unclear as to what her demands are, but they probably involve better sleeping conditions and dora. ~ ethical dilemma: a large box just arrived at the house. the kind of box kids dream of. the kind of box that last time took 2+ months to get rid of. we are about to have an extended visitor and so are severely space challenged. no one else is home. do i remove all evidence of said box's existence or present it to owen and nora when they get home tonight? ~ owen's first words upon getting home tonight, "a big box! just what i wanted!" ~ nora woke up at 2:40 am crying and asking for a bagel and cream cheese. she didn't get it. ~ currently leading in the fawcett/zimmmerman "who ruined christmas" race: snapfish. ~ thanks to shutterfly, i finally have my christmas cards. you're dead to me, snapfish. ~ Allen broke a lightbulb resulting in our kitchen becoming a biohazard zone. ~ you know what would be awesome? if my 2 year old could refrain from pointing and shouting, "he's little!" every time we run into the little person working on my floor. ~ Back in the homeland with 'ner a meth head or hunter in sight. ~ uncle dave's xmas present to nora? the catch-phrase, "boo-yah." ~ the school house rock financial vignettes were not their finest work. ~ home.

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