Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 - The Year in Facebook Status Updates

When another parent tells you that you're good for their self-esteem, that's not really a compliment is it… ~ What’s the proper disposal method when your child breaks a crèche? It seems a little wrong to just throw away baby Jesus. ~ My co-workers are debating whether DOL is bigger than a cruise ship for reasons I don't understand. It's almost impressive how much time and energy is going into standardizing the units of measure in order to accurately determine which has the larger volume. Almost. ~ Nora made up a song about bacon sung to the tune, "dreidel, dreidel, dreidel." I don't think she fully grasps the irony. ~ So Owen is fully enrolled in summer January 25th. ~ went a little "tiger mom" over Nora this morning. Not my finest parenting moment, but at least it's now clear that chocolate teddy grahams are only for little girls that can count to four. ~ Owen’s ant farm is finally operational. Can’t wait for harvest. ~ First night sleeping in her big girl bed. ~  Less than 24 hours and we've already had an ant breach. ~ Just found out the pancakes I purchased for Owen’s class party last month have been recalled. Awesome: I’ve become the, "she's trying to kill us" mom. ~ Gone skiin'. ~ Made an evolution reference while dropping off Owen at Sunday school and got a look from his teacher. Apparently not my target audience. ~ Granville Moores' menu touts that the bison burger is made from "local" bison. 'Cause DC is known for its roaming buffalo. ~ I’m really glad that Nora is learning Spanish. I just wish she would stop telling me I’m "grande." ~ Overheard at a 5 year old's birthday party, "girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys." ~ At bedtime this evening, Owen asked that I "entertain [him] to sleep." ~ So Owen officially has a lateral lisp, which is really what one would expect of the progeny of "captain slurry." ~ Someone on the moms on the hill listserve posted an ad on craigslist for a 3 foot sub (valued at $50 but selling for $25) that they didn't need for dinner this evening. Someone bought it within 15 minutes. Really, people? ~ Owen (aka Superman) informed me that he was going to text Batman (to inform him of our location and other relevant details). Ah, kids today. ~ I'm really hoping that the Cluster School Newsletter made a typo, and that in fact it hasn't been a busty week. ~ I wish you could bottle 2 1/2 year olds' giggles. ~ Owen's classmate Cate told someone she wanted to marry Owen. When they asked Owen if he wanted to marry Cate- Owen responded "Kind of." Ah- kindergarten courtships. ~ While attempting to get the kids ready for bed- Owen jumped up naked on the couch and informed us he needed to put on a show while Nora ran to the kitchen and peed on the floor. Thanks Easter bunny. ~ I was just reprimanded for not putting a leave request in the form of a question. Because apparently I work at Jeopardy. ~ Taking a shade break on the Capitol grounds while listening to the strains of Herman Cain speaking at a Tea Party rally. ~ Alas- packing sunscreen is only a necessary and not a sufficient condition. ~ If I'd known she'd decide to serenade me with it at 6:50 on a Saturday morning- I never would have given my 2 year old a harmonica. ~ In honor of cowboy day at Nora’s daycare- the kids have opted to rock out to Thin Lizzie this morning. ~ Let the single parenting commence. ~ In deference to Allen’s belief system in his absence- the kids are rocking out to “Science is Real” prior to Sunday school. ~ My daughter- after passing them in the hallway- described the deputy assistant secretary of EBSA and the director of the office of health plan standards and compliance assistance as "scary people." this could make tomorrow's briefing slightly awkward. ~ Nora went shopping for my mother’s day present today. She picked out a stuffed pig that kisses. I clearly should have slipped her or else her daycare teacher more money. ~ FYI: the North Pole lies in the Arctic Ocean rather than on a land mass. Failure to know this will result in condescension by my husband- despite his best efforts to suppress it. ~ Looking up brownie recipes in some cookbooks I inherited from my grandmother. Apparently- to the Iowa church going community of the 70s- oleo and Crisco were compliments rather than substitutes. ~ Some days I think Joan Crawford might have had a point. ~ That's ok- Nora. I don't mind being awoken from a deep sleep at 3 in the morning right as I was about to apprehend Jason Segal and Kate Hudson in some nefarious plot I don't recall but that involved golf carts by your scream only to be told as I ran to comfort you to "go away" because that's what mommies are here for. ~ Dear fb and fb friends: I am never going to play bubble safari. Ever. So let's just save ourselves the hassle and embarrassment and stop inviting me to play. ~ Nora just informed us she- "has too many guys." Happy Father's Day Eve Allen Fawcett ~ to paraphrase Kenny Rogers- you picked a fine time to leave [us] AC. ~ and now we've lost power. Oh freon gods- why have you forsaken us? ~ nine years -- most of which successfully involved artificial temperature control. Happy anniversary- Allen Fawcett. ~ Finally get the air conditioning fixed and Nora responds by wrapping herself in a blanket and announcing she's cold. ~ There is cat food on the floor of the women's restroom at DOL. sigh. So many things wrong with that sentence. ~ will be using an alternative route to work this morning to avoid the scotus madness at 1st and constitution. ~ Home. Which would be awesome if it wasn't 105 degrees. ~ File under the law of unintended consequences: Owen now loves Katy Perry's "Fireworks" b/c it's Ryan Mattheus's walk-up song. ~ opened a door onto a woman in a wheelchair this afternoon so I guess we know where I'll be spending eternity. ~ I'm drinking a corn milkshake. The things I do for love... ~ so the good news is that our wedding rings have appreciated significantly since we got married; the bad news is that Allen's is now at the bottom of the pond. ~ was feeling pretty good about myself when- after a 10 day tour of the Midwest- my scale read "Lo" until I realize it was referring to the battery. ~ Narrowly avoided this morning: becoming the middle-aged lady who swallowed a fly. ~ filling out school forms while drinking white wine -- the duality of it all. ~ Just enrolled Nora in dance class and Owen in baseball camp for the fall. Also just lost all credibility regarding any discussion of gender roles in society. ~ My son forgot his pants at camp. ~ Nora had a playdate this afternoon. The mom asked me if Nora could have a b-r-o-w-n-I-e. She spelled it multiple times and I still couldn't figure out what she meant. I'm not certain we'll be invited back. ~ My baby is wearing underwear. ~ Why does my GPS hate me? ~ Listening to "Relax" by FGTH while driving the kids to Sunday School. #subversivesundays ~ the one silver lining regarding global warming is that in the future- I won't have to spend 40 minutes arguing with a screaming 3 year old about seasonally appropriate clothing. ~ You know what's worse than bringing your kids to a bar? Bringing them to one frequented by Heritage Foundation interns. ~ Nora broke into "The More We Work Together" in front of the Capitol. From the mouths of babes... ~ so I'm sure that I heard wrong- but I swear Dora just said that the Spanish word for "prince" was "fancy pants." ~ I'm not sure that I'm emotionally mature enough to handle a division series. ~ Shattered my iphone while playing kickball with Owen this evening and learned two important lessons: 1) playing kickball during a national's playoff game warrants a karmic reprimand and; 2) Allen’s decision to buy an iphone 5 despite having a perfectly good iphone 4 was in fact prescient and not- as previously believed- self-indulgent. ~ Nora got stuck in a glue trap in my office this morning. Awe, Wednesdays. ~ Oh- nationals. If only you could have pulled it off then the fact that my 6 year old is out past midnight wouldn't seem like such bad parenting.  ~ The tv is broken and Allen is out of town which means I actually have to interact with my children for the next two days. ~ While listening to our Nationals Walk-up Mix- I asked Owen who's song was "Howlin' for You." He replied "Strasburg." I responded "Really? I thought his walk-up song was by the White Stripes." Owen replied, "Mom, do you even know what the White Stripes sound like?"   No- and apparently neither does Owen since we were actually listening to the Black Keyes. ~ My 6 and 3 year olds have been getting a little James Haven/Angelina Jolie-ish. Is this a normal development brother/sister thing or something icky we need to nip in the bud? ~ Playing scrabble with Allen. It's probably best for our marriage that we don't encounter hurricanes too often. ~ Learned 2 important lessons about my son this morning: 1) he has an extremely loose tooth; and 2) he is terrified of losing his baby teeth. ~ I pulled my child out of a car window in order to make the bus this morning- which is a pretty good measure of how the day's been going. ~ On the walk home- I referenced a question asked at Allen Fawcett's conference over whether the proceeds of a carbon tax should go to the government or the people. Owen chimed in "government" (because it's better than people") while Nora shouted "people." After 3 blocks of yelling their differing views, Owen finally got Nora to say "government" and proclaimed himself the winner. DC childhoods are weird. ~ It is a really unfortunate thing when the "very cherry" jelly bellies get mixed up with the "cinnamon" jelly bellies. ~ Owen asked me in church tonight if the "Our Father" was the 30 minute mark. ~ Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. ~ Turns out I can't make jello.

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